First 2014 Update

And in this crazy life... and through these crazy times...

Hello.

It is 2014; almost a year from my last post. I miss blogging, I miss writing... I miss ranting about everything and anything. But that's alright. I can always start anew.

What happened, Ernie? Yeah. What happened? I'm still trying to figure that out myself. A lot has changed, hasn't it? I'm not that happy innocent little girl anymore. As much as I'd like to believe nothing has changed, I have to face reality.

It's not easy being super-woman. I'd gladly give up everything just to have my life the way it was before I met my ex-husband. Gladly. But because I have my little boy, my baby, my life, my muse, my everything... Fayruz, you're mummy's everything and I'm glad I did not give up on life, as I'd done so if I was younger.

I love you, son.

My dragon baby is now 1 year and 10 months, and in barely two months it will be his second birthday. Time really flies. This boy is the breath of my lungs and the beat of my heart. He has grown up with so much pain, so many tears but we both stand strong despite it all. Your father may not always be around, boy. But please know that Mummy is here, will always be here for you and Mummy loves you very much. You have me. You have the Yishun Family and you have the Teck Whye Family. Always remember you're not alone. You have all of us.

I'm still coping with the process, pains and trials of my divorce, and it's something I never shared with everyone. It is a very, very, very long process and only God above knows how much of a mental and emotional rollercoaster I have been going through in the last few years. Deep down, I knew my marriage will never work, it wouldn't have last for all the blessings and prayers and miracles in the world. But I still smile, because my problems are not your burdens to bear.

  

 I will always find it difficult to share my problems, because behind the scenes of my life... everything was crumbling, everyone was either leaving or condescending, nobody was helping and I was alone. But I always put up a happy front - it has always been an innate response to everything that was negative in my life, so that my family and close friends won't worry too much about me. I know they all are still quietly worrying only because I haven't open up as yet. I just find it easier to deal with problems when I am silent and no one gets involved.

It's almost 3am. I better go to sleep.