Keep Breathing.

Once more, I say goodbye to you... Things happen but we don't really know why. Your decision, to end our relationship may be the wisest thing you could have done for me. Maybe. 

Now, it's like my mind is refreshing my heart of how I felt so broken, so crippled and paralyzed... that I can almost hear myself reciting my own rules. I swore never to cry over a boy again. But here I go. Again. I thought it wasn't possible to feel this much pain. Again. The old wounds, reopening, again and again and again and again.

I never wanted to cry, but it's not possible to stop these tears from falling. Our hearts were in the right places, but I chose the wrong time, the wrong place to let him know the truth. My fault. I chose to let him know instead of him finding it out some random way or another, My fault. I chose to agree to end our relationship. Again, my fault.

I never want to hold my HP again. I never want to see him again. I hate him, I do, I do, I do. The words of my broken heart. I can't see past my tears, and I know it will be a few days or weeks or maybe months for me to get over this. 

The past one year with you has been memorable. I will miss you, terribly.

I love him, I do, I do, I really do. Never in a thousand years would I have expected him to end our relationship because I was being honest. Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt.

I really love him. Perhaps that's why it had to hurt this bad. I will hate the places we went, the things we did, I will hate the next guy who tries, I will hate everything. The breakup was so sudden, unexpected. He has every right to be angry with me, as I have every right to to wonder why. Why was there no second chances? Why did he choose to do this? Why, baby? I really love you, I do.

But the absolute worst would be when people asked if I was okay. Because then I had to admit that it was real, it happened, and we weren't together anymore. Unexpected. I never stood a chance in making my heart a safety net, a wall before he hit me with the breakup. Crippled. Paralyzed. Quite overwhelmed with emotions and tears. Literally can't breathe and I don't know what else.

The sweetest part of being a couple is sharing your life with someone else. But my life, evidently, had not been good enough to share.