I'm being selfish?

You dumbfuck.

I always am.

Because you might not know this... but it's times like this that makes me feel very vulnerable. & not a thing in this world that can make me feel as shitty as my very own diseased thoughts.

I was wondering who the hell I was talking to, and I realised... I wasn't talking to anyone, just merely having a conversation within my mind, back and forth, throwing faults and negative criticisms.

To myself.

That's probably how crazy I am. I just can't seem to connect to myself the way I should have, it's more like I'm operating a robot with a conscious mind.

An empty, smiling shell... but really, nobody's home.

& I feel like I don't have to blog, because just by reading Rose's blog I can relate... and bad memories are relived over and over again.

In fact, sometimes I go through my private blog just to see where I went spiralling down, but having to read every word I wrote, on a personal intimate level... To know I've been there already and done that and yet still caught up in the same mistakes I could have avoided, it just pains me.

A raw, sometimes physical, heart-wrenching stab to the heart, knifed through many times repeatedly.

Myself.

I am to blame for this tragedy I call MYSELF.

But I am the tragedy.

So where do I start and where do I end, to save my own life from... myself?