Feeling April, Feeling Blue

I remembered I had wanted to blog some "reflection and stuff" when I came back in 2016. But I guess work, work, work kinda took over.

Yes, it's been almost three months since I started my new job at BTP and I'm kinda looking forward to being a principal in about 2 or 3 years time. Kinda. But other than that, well... There's still so much to be done and I'm already exhausted. 

April 2016.

Physically, I don't look as tired as I sound but believe me, work is putting a pressure on me that I've never experienced before. Some days it can be downright motivating but other days it makes me want to murder someone's kid. 

Being in charge on curriculum is kinda cool despite the work load. Going after teachers to submit their lesson plans and evaluations and monthly reports is tiring. But the satisfaction when you get the whole month's worth of six (which includes me) teachers' work is kinda rewarding. Tiring but rewarding. I'm gonna work hard even though I'm stressing myself out. Being a "curriculum specialist" and the teacher of 27 kids is really no joke. There's really so much work to do. 

Apart from that, the last time I met my BF was in January, maybe? Or February? I cannot remember the last time we dated out but it really feels like a very long time since I've seen him.😭 I really miss him.

We're still together, I guess because we're keeping in contact via WhatsApp. Haha. Pathetic right, I should work harder in maintaining our relationship. But he's been very busy with work as well. 

Insecurity getting the better of me.

And yes lately, I've been feeling so, so insecure because we haven't been meeting each other! But I guess, from a guy's perspective, as long as he keeps in contact, we're all good. 

Sighs.

I just really miss BF. That's all. I know we're both really tied down to work and when we do get the time, we just want to unwind and sleep. Which is pretty much exactly what I'm doing at the moment. Work, sleep, Fayruz. 

My social life is getting better, just a little. But that's the thing, I'm just too tired from working. And BF is always working over time and weekends as well, so I know he's also exhausted. Which completely sucks. I guess I have to be really patient and wait until he gets a better job with better pay. 

US @ Yishun Safra Bowling

Hello Fayruz. You're going to be four years old soon. Mummy's really looking forward to you being all grown up so that we can do more fun things together. But you need to stop throwing those nasty tantrums sometimes. It's beyond frustrating for Mummy! Most days you're such a wonderful baby and Mummy loves it when you give her space for rest but on some days, you turn into a monster and make Mummy become one as well. 

Let's try okay, baby? I know it's difficult growing up in two very different households. But ultimately you will see that Mummy one day might just settle down with someone, and it's going to be us three (and maybe more) as a family. No more going back and forth between two houses. Unless it's visiting time. So Fayruz, Mummy's gonna work hard for us okay? Believe it. 

Sending him to school :)

Some days I wanna give up but I know I can't. There's so much to do and between everything that happens, I just want you to know that I love you very much, Fayruz. 

Let's look forward to our Krabi holiday soon, okay baby? Holiday! Holiday! Holiday! Yippee!