Feeling April, Feeling Blue

I remembered I had wanted to blog some "reflection and stuff" when I came back in 2016. But I guess work, work, work kinda took over.

Yes, it's been almost three months since I started my new job at BTP and I'm kinda looking forward to being a principal in about 2 or 3 years time. Kinda. But other than that, well... There's still so much to be done and I'm already exhausted. 

April 2016.

Physically, I don't look as tired as I sound but believe me, work is putting a pressure on me that I've never experienced before. Some days it can be downright motivating but other days it makes me want to murder someone's kid. 

Being in charge on curriculum is kinda cool despite the work load. Going after teachers to submit their lesson plans and evaluations and monthly reports is tiring. But the satisfaction when you get the whole month's worth of six (which includes me) teachers' work is kinda rewarding. Tiring but rewarding. I'm gonna work hard even though I'm stressing myself out. Being a "curriculum specialist" and the teacher of 27 kids is really no joke. There's really so much work to do. 

Apart from that, the last time I met my BF was in January, maybe? Or February? I cannot remember the last time we dated out but it really feels like a very long time since I've seen him.😭 I really miss him.

We're still together, I guess because we're keeping in contact via WhatsApp. Haha. Pathetic right, I should work harder in maintaining our relationship. But he's been very busy with work as well. 

Insecurity getting the better of me.

And yes lately, I've been feeling so, so insecure because we haven't been meeting each other! But I guess, from a guy's perspective, as long as he keeps in contact, we're all good. 

Sighs.

I just really miss BF. That's all. I know we're both really tied down to work and when we do get the time, we just want to unwind and sleep. Which is pretty much exactly what I'm doing at the moment. Work, sleep, Fayruz. 

My social life is getting better, just a little. But that's the thing, I'm just too tired from working. And BF is always working over time and weekends as well, so I know he's also exhausted. Which completely sucks. I guess I have to be really patient and wait until he gets a better job with better pay. 

US @ Yishun Safra Bowling

Hello Fayruz. You're going to be four years old soon. Mummy's really looking forward to you being all grown up so that we can do more fun things together. But you need to stop throwing those nasty tantrums sometimes. It's beyond frustrating for Mummy! Most days you're such a wonderful baby and Mummy loves it when you give her space for rest but on some days, you turn into a monster and make Mummy become one as well. 

Let's try okay, baby? I know it's difficult growing up in two very different households. But ultimately you will see that Mummy one day might just settle down with someone, and it's going to be us three (and maybe more) as a family. No more going back and forth between two houses. Unless it's visiting time. So Fayruz, Mummy's gonna work hard for us okay? Believe it. 

Sending him to school :)

Some days I wanna give up but I know I can't. There's so much to do and between everything that happens, I just want you to know that I love you very much, Fayruz. 

Let's look forward to our Krabi holiday soon, okay baby? Holiday! Holiday! Holiday! Yippee!

Woke Up, Thinking It's Sunday Already.

I woke up thinking it's Sunday already because when I checked my phone... It showed 7:45 earlier. Saw my mum in my room and thought "oh maybe she's going to the market, wonder what's for breakfast..." Haha! Then an hour later I'm wondering why I'm hearing familiar voices from under the block so early in the morning and why was it so dark outside.

Because it's still Saturday. Saturday night.

Lol, I know right. I'm getting old.

Look mummy, I'm a gorilla!

Mummy, see!

Cheeky boy!

Happy is spending time with Fayruz and he's in sucha cheeky good mood. Pictures are throwback to dinner with new colleagues @ Arnold's Yishun, got invited at the last possible minute... And I was like, I'm honestly tired but why not?

They have this informal fortnightly kinda gatherings to promote staff bonding. Which is nice in a way. BUT I have a long way to go to bond with them. Haha.

Everything is still new but manageable... However the workload for me now is like, thrice as many. Between my own class and checking curriculum and vetting other teachers' lesson plans and evaluations... It's quite a lot of work. It really is. I honestly want to be a principal to see if my leadership skills are as good as i presumed. Babylove has been supportive and encouraging so I'll see how far I can go. Shoutout to #miamor for being such a wonderful boyfriend, always giving me motivation when I'm feeling down and depressed! I love you, baby! Thank you for everything in 2015, more to come in 2016 yes? :)

2016 goal(s): be a principal AND be thin. Haha! But seriously though, gotta get my confidence back. I'm really way too fat. Jiayou Ernie, work hard this year!

Hmm... questionable photos...

Got a message from the other side, lol... Asking how the hell did Fayruz's thumb got like that... And if you question my credibility as a mum, I'd say I don't know. Fayruz was in good condition before I sent him off to Teck Whye and I don't believe his thumb was already like that for a few days, as the WA messages stated.

Like, seriously? Gambar semalam? He was ok semalam!

Last sentence, last warning eh....

One thing I know about MY SON is that he complains about the tiniest of things so this "thumb issue" is big. He won't take a shower because he'd tell me it's painful. He won't be holding his toys because he'd tell me it's painful.

So what is the other side implying? I don't know and I don't care. Because I know my son well enough that if even one mosquito bite from long ago he can still tell me it's painful, in the most rhetoric sense, he wouldn't keep quiet about this "injured" thumb.

If it happened in school, I wouldn't keep quiet about it. I believe the teachers will let me know. But guess what he wasn't in school on Friday, so cannot be the whole week from Monday to Thursday... Fayruz never say anything. Like I said, this "injury" is too big for him to keep quiet about. 

And assuming me, my parents and sister-in-law were blind and didn't notice; I don't believe my nephew would have also kept quiet about it. He'd have mentioned to us because he has sharp eyes. Or Fayruz would have complained that Ariq beat him. 

And one more thing, because I asked 3 adults to check the positions of his "injured" thumb. The picture they sent to me was a right thumb. They also snapshot a video to support that photo BUT... Haha. Because I'm very particular, I noticed that snapshot showed supposedly injured thumb but it's on his left side! 😱

SO, I'm waiting for babylove's comments before I verbally take actions. 😁👍🏻

You can push the blame to me but I'm not gonna take any accusations lying down hor! I know my son, because we literally eat sleep shower play together okay! 

Anyway, I will check with him tomorrow when he gets back. Haha. Let's see what story he cooks up with. 

On a side note, my happy moment this week is... Getting my reservations confirmed for a weekend getaway! Yay! 🎉

YAY !!!

It's a very much needed break. Bringing Fayruz though, so it's not considered a holiday but no cares given because we get to spend time together! I'm going with my BFF. Yay!

From our humble awkward beginnings...

To our 6th year of awesome friendship!

Our friendship lasted from when I was a single lady to dating complicated guys (believe me, between us... We got stories to share) to getting married and giving birth and divorcing to dating my current awesome boyfriend now. Six whole year worth of friendship, now that's something I'm holding on to.

Dear BFF, you've been with me though thick and thin and you know all my secrets! Hopefully we get to see each other naik pelamin and make more babies soon! Haha! 

Alright. Another week before my weekend getaway, and then another whole week before CNY long holiday.

It's a heavy start to new work, but let's keep that momentum going, shall we?

Till then. Good night.

Water Fun & Arcade Time

Hello again.

It's only been my second day of work and I feel overloaded with basically just... WORK. Haha.

It's very intense being "in charge" of some minor areas at work and I'm not even at principal level yet. Intense; and I'm already quite close to giving up. But as always, I must persevere and see what areas I need to personally improve on. This change was what I had wanted, to see if I have leadership skills. 

Future principal, maybe, baby.

Hehs.

Anyway, I got my hair done and I realised that it's just way too long for me! Rimas hor! It's actually an acceptable length lah but I don't know why I feel it's too "in my face" with the curls (though I seriously love it)  and the fringe... High maintenance gitu if I want to keep hair this long... I honestly don't know how other girls still look gorgeous in this line of work but I'm just way too lazy to maintain beauty and style.

Ok done complaining about my hair.

I had fun with Fayruz today; went to the kids water playground at SSC and we even had time to play arcade.

Happy boy.

Water fun.

Enjoying seh...

Macam paham! 

Lol¬

We spent a good worth of $4 (LOL! Cheapskate mummy!) in that arcade. It's nice just spending one to one time with each other with no tantrums and nonsense. 

I love you, Fayruz Marzuqi.

Tomorrow another new day at work. Sighs. Hope I can manage... I think I'm growing weary of this line already.

Good night.

Goodbye SW, Hello Berry Tree!

And so, today was officially my last day in SW preschool. So gonna take this opportunity to express my grateful regards to all my ex-colleagues. I enjoyed working with you all! And I'm really gonna miss our lunch breaks and principal's "nagging"... Haha.

Adora Green's Team

Haha, will miss you all,

Pierre Cardin's metallic black bag.

Thank you for all the gift(s) and encouragement! I am really going to miss this ladies!

But insya Allah, I am moving forward with my career and hopefully I am able to face the new challenges ahead! Jiayou!

Happy moment today; as always I try to include one per week since daily I can't seem to actually find time to blog...

My first ever pedicure session with BFF! Woo Hoo! 😂

A stranger said our faces almost look alike.

Pretty in pink.

Haha! Pink again? I know right... But these are from the Hello Kitty collection! I just cannotttttt! Hehe...

Another good catch-up session with BFF, and though she has her own commitments as well, I'm glad we could meet up and catch up.

Older and older by day....

As for me, I've actually let myself go quite far this time. 60kg is actually no joke and though I still look "small"... I really feel fat and ugly. But because I'm honestly busy with work and Fayruz all the time, I just couldn't be bothered to take care of myself. I barely wear makeup now and if you ask me, it's really a hassle. Haha! I do want to look pretty and confident but I just can't find that motivation anymore.

Seriously.

I am that terrible.

What am I going to do about myself, oh goodness? I really don't know.

Maybe I can try but seriously...

Haha.

Well, until then if I ever get the motivation to do something about myself... Maybe I'll blog it down here.

Maybe. Haha!

Popeyes & Kiyo

Met BFF after quite a long time due to our conflicting personal and work schedules. It's funny how we both can still make so much noise and share so much stories despite being "separated" for some time.

BFF & me @ AMK Hub.

Haha! As usual we both would grumble about our body and all the relationship problems and nonsense.

I gotta change this blog layout soon. I don't see any apparent layout or changes when I'm using my mobile blogger app but I think if I used my laptop, it looks terrible right? Hah!

Whatever anyways.

Saw some old videos of Fayruz when he was a baby... Miss those little little sweet memories. He's sucha big boy now. But still my baby. Haha! 

Still upset with mi amor but then again, whatever lah. I'm still going on my weekend getaway with or without you! Hmph! 

Anyway, it's my last day at SW tomorrow. Scary. But they will survive without me. And I have to prepare myself for another new environment soon. Best of luck to me, insya Allah amiin!

Till then, good night.

Grocery Shopping

Today I spent a day with mi amor in JB. We ate $106 worth of seafood (in ringgit Malaysia of course) and brought some baby essentials for Fayruz.

I think I'd have left this blog unattended but apparently there's an app for it, so I can actually blog any time of the day. Or night. Obviously. 

So hello 2016! This year is another year and one of my goals is to really lose the fats around my belly and everywhere else on my body. Really. Really really. I'm not joking. I gotta work on it even if it kills me. Mi amor is too kind, letting me "let loose" and not caring about how I look and stuff... But this is for me. I need to look good for myself and I've let myself gone way too far this time.

Other than that? Fulfil my responsibilities as a mum and a teacher, as well. Sighs. I wanna quit the Early Childhood line but I have no one else to go. 

I'll probably update this blog more often now then I've gotten the app. More for reflections and stuff. Not to update anyone about how I'm doing or what I'm wearing or where I'm traveling next. More to remind myself there can be happy stuffs and I need to blog about it so that I can come back and read it when I'm feeling depressed.

So today's happy moment is me spending time with mi amor and how gracious he was in sending me to Marsiling to collect my mum's stuff. Any other guy would have grumbled but babylove has been so kind to send me there and back despite feeling tired. Believe me, I was also shagged! And just from a day of grocery shopping! 🙄

I'm also happy that Fayruz is slowly acknowledging mi amor and that he is okay with "Uncle vroom vroom" haha! He will ask me things about mi amor or ask me where Uncle vroom vroom is, which is a good sign. If ever we have the jodoh to get married, Fayruz opening up to mi amor is a good thing. I hope it lasts. Insya Allah. Kalau jodoh, tak ke mane...

Alright, till next time :) Good night!